For some losing their virginity is a magical experience. For others, losing their virginity is an experience typically categorized by two distinct yet intertwined sensations: awkwardness and pain. As for me, it was definitely the latter. Regardless as to which category you happen to fall into one thing is for sure- your first will always be remembered. While I refuse to exclude any details for purposes you will soon understand, I offer you the opportunity to read the memory of my first, if you so choose.
Doing ANYTHING for the first time is always a nerve racking experience. I always strive to do what I can to the best of my ability even if that means I lack the necessary experience to be considered "impressive". I did what everyone would do in my situation- I called in for reinforcements. And after a couple of failed attempts from Youtube tutorials my best friend came in for the rescue (After all, I watch her do it everyday). In no time at all my lips were plumped, my eyeliner was winged, and my head wrap was tied tight. That day I lost my virginity: It was the first time I left the house with characteristics that were culturally defined as female *pop*
It was a social occasion among a group of my friends. In another light many of us were virgins as it was our first time going to watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show. For those who may not be familiar with the culture of this cult, the first time you watch this show the cast openly categorizes you as a ""Virgin" as you stand on stage in front of the rest of the audience. Like most, we decided to best way to enjoy the show was in costume.
Leaving my house with this new identity left me both anxious and liberated. How would the public react? Specifically, how would other men react? How would my male friends react? It was a sensation I could only equate to the moments before boarding your first roller coaster. At that same moment I was given this unique opportunity to be uninhibited. With this new identity I had no clear defined cultural expectations. I was free.
After an hour of enjoying my friends company in public I have come to realize any previous nerves were settled. There was not a single audible snicker, I did not face any distinct acts of violence, and while I did turn a couple of heads there was not a single face of disgusts. In fact, there were a few moments of praise. I started to question what this small segment of society thought was acceptable. I was pleased to believe that I was accepted.
Sadly, this was short-lived.
After going through a security checkpoint with about five security guards, getting my I.D. reviewed by another security guard, and passing a dozen or so more during my hour and a half of publically displaying my gender nonconformity I was approached. Mr. Schmidt (not his real name) politely let me know that I must remove my head wrap. When probing for a reason why he simply stated "As a man, it is against policy for you to wear a head wrap." and of course, more questions ensued:
Grace: What if he Identifies as a woman?
Schmidt: …
Ryan: Do I have to remove my hat?
Schmidt: Your hat is fine.
Annabelle: So a lady can wear a head wrap?
Schmidt: Yes.
Annabelle: And everyone can wear a hat?
Schmidt: Yes.
Me: But a man can't wear a head wrap?
Schmidt: No.
Me: How does your policy address gender identity and how does it define a head wrap?
Schmidt: I am unsure, I am just doing my job.
Me: Can you please connect me with someone that can answer my questions?
For the next 20 minutes we waited and probed a bit more.
According to Universal's policy a man wearing a head wrap is a safety issue as he could possibly be hiding weapons within the millimeter space between his head and the clothe. However, woman [obviously] do not posses that ability. Lets not fail to mention, it is IMPOSSIBLE to hide anything underneath a beanie, cap, or even a 10 gallon cowboy hat. All of which was observed within this waiting period without any speculation by Mr. Schmidt on their activities.
After the 20 minute mark, I politely told him I refuse to miss the Rocky Horror Picture Show over this "issue". We walked away. We enjoyed the show.
But I could not help but to analyze the situation afterwards.
At no point in time did I not feel safe. I was surrounded by friends who were in complete support of me and my perspective. I have NEVER faced a situation like this, even as a proud member of the LGBT community.
Why did I stand up to Mr. Schmidt? I am not sure if I would have questioned him at all if I was wearing a hat and he asked me to remove it. Was I subconsciously prepared to be in a controversial situation? Did I subconsciously want to be in a controversial situation? I don't know.
What about the many self identified men that wear head-wear similar to head wraps for religious purposes? How does Universal accommodate them? Do they accommodate them? If so, why not me? Never was it determined what my religious background was.
What about the many who identify as female even if they were born male? Is this a common occurrence? If so, I don't know how I would be as this one instance left me uncomfortable with myself.
Was he really doing his job?
If this is true, there is a policy issue for my previous stated reasons. There would also be a training issue as no other security guard stopped me before or after that instance. When asked if my scarf was okay to wear the typical response was a shrug and a yes. A security guard was even kind enough to take a photo for myself and my friends!
If this is false, there is STILL a training issue. Did the security guards not get trained on diversity? How is a man able to hide a weapon under a scarf and NOT a cowboy hat?
Regardless, this single event has left me both confused and disappointed with Universal as it highlights some very clear flaws. However, I am beyond proud of my fellow #ChangeAgents standing up for my rights OUR RIGHTS.
Again, you always remember your first. So thank you, Mr. Schmidt;)
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